I’ve known I was empty for quite some time. I went from a place of grief to a steady and constant push to be what I thought others needed me to be. “Don’t give up!” I told myself. Words of a mentor echoed over and over in my head, “He is taking you from glory to glory.” Ok, God, let’s go! Let’s get to the glory part. As the months went by, I strived and strived in what I didn’t realize at the time… was a mixture of my own strength and the power of God. Week by week, I would empty all of me all over the people around me.
Week by week, I would empty all of me all over the people around me.
In an odd way, this filled me up at the same time as depleting me. I was living my purpose. I love my purpose. My purpose is who I am. I am called. I am anointed. This is where I’m supposed to be, so here I go pushing myself, I’m growing, I’m learning. I’m stretching. No time to stop. If I stop, it all might fall apart.
What I didn’t let myself see is that I was falling apart while trying to hold myself and my purpose together. It took months, but the realization finally hit me. I was empty. I was depleted. I was unhappy. And I was hiding it. I wasn’t allowing myself to feel all my feelings, and I wasn’t honest with myself.
I read a woman’s story recently, and something she spoke went like a knife into my heart. She described the chaos of her life, her purpose as a mother, wife, friend, her ministry. As she laid on the floor of her foyer taking a moment of peace from her kids, she said: “I was burned out, and the life I had created was consuming all I held valuable.”
My mind went to all the days where I was checked out. My husband would put our 2 youngest children to bed at 7:30 after working his full-time job and cooking our family dinner. I could rarely find the energy to spend more than a few moments talking to my children. Their laughter got under my skin. The small messes infuriated me.
I would retreat to my room and my husband would handle it all. Everyone around me coddled me. “You’re such a great mom! You do so much! You volunteer at church and school! You go to the gym. Your superwoman.” But I felt anything but super. I felt empty.
I stumbled through the holidays, spent way too much money treating my emptiness with decorating, shopping and retail therapy. I bought books and board games and swore I was going to spend quality time with my kids. Never opened a single one. Then-Happy New Year! Everyone is kicking it into gear, let’s go!! It’s time for our breakthrough, and I said, “Yes, God! Let’s go! Glory to glory!”
But I am so empty! I am so depleted! I can’t… move. The fatigue engulfed me. I got sick. A 10-day virus that wouldn’t let up knocked me smooth out. You see, rest has a way of catching up to you. Your body says… “Hey, I can’t fight anymore.” Boom. Sickness. So there I was-sick, laid up in bed with the worst cough of the new decade (2020!!), and even then, I wouldn’t rest from my “purpose.” I didn’t feel like I could. It would all fall apart without me.
But God spoke. He said: Rest. I died a little on the inside. Ok God. I will rest. So here I sit. Resting.
Fill me up God because I can no longer pour from an empty vessel.
Rest begins with the prefix “Re-” and it does ALL THESE THINGS! It REstores and REnews. Our bodies REcover, our spirit REgenerates, our hearts REpair, and day by day we REbuild. It’s a chance to start again.
I read something beautiful this week in a devotion titled “Sacred Rest.” “But what if rest is in itself a vital activity required to tend to the garden of our lives? What if rest is the water that replenishes the dryness? What if rest is fertilizer awakening us to growth and greatness? What if rest is the hands of the gardener pulling up the weeds threatening to edge out beauty? ”
LOVE IT! I didn’t realize how huge God was on resting! I knew he was big on serving! I knew he was big on running the race, but resting hadn’t really dawned on me as a thing!
I didn’t realize how huge God was on resting! I knew he was big on serving! I knew he was big on running the race, but resting hadn’t really dawned on me as a thing!
The story of Mary & Martha is found in Luke 10:38 TPT, and we read about two sisters- one is the worker, and one is simply sitting at Jesus’ feet soaking up every word he says. Sitting!! Resting!! In verse 42, Jesus says Mary discovered the most important thing… sitting at his feet.
Jesus also rested and it kinda cracks me up that he had to get away from it all. He took a time out, just like us Mom’s take a time out from all the chaos! “Then Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat.” Mark 6:31 NLT
In the end, to rest, we need Jesus! And I’ve always known his word is our strength but in these seasons, it’s very clear… I NEED HIM!!! ”
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 MSG
And lastly, my absolute favorite scripture, perhaps because it is also a beautiful song from my childhood:
“But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 NKJV
Phil Driscoll sings it perfectly.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the courage and strength to REST and REfill and REcharge. I know because you live inside of me, I am never truly empty. Breathe new life into my body. REignite my purpose and vision. Direct me. Speak to me. I am now, and always your willing vessel, and it is my desire to honor you in all I do. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Rachael Strickland
