Last week I caught my two oldest children being, what we southern folk like to call, UGLY, to one another. What their Daddy and I witnessed was the two of them teasing, strong-arming, and spitting in each other’s faces.
I put a stop to the foolishness and like any good parent, took it a step further and said, “We use our mouths for kindness. Instead of spitting, we give kisses, and instead of teasing, we say kind things.”
The next few minutes that followed were ones for the memory books. I asked the two of them to KISS each other on the cheek. My son, who is nearly 12, laughed so hard but he was not opposed to the idea. My daughter (almost 10), however, would die before she ever kissed her horrible, no good, bully of a brother.
After lots of tears, shouting, running in circles through my dining room and kitchen, she finally relented and gave him a kiss. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done.
Can you agree that showing kindness isn’t always easy?
“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:12-14 NLT
I bet you think I’m going to talk about forgiveness, but ha! I’m not! I want to talk about KINDNESS!
What is Kindness Really?
Webster’s Dictionary defines kindness as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. The Urban Dictionary even defines it as being a fruit of the Holy Spirit and a visible attribute of a true Christian. WOW! It also states kindness as the act of not just being nice but showing sympathy and understanding.
Are we all great at these things 100% of the time? Probably not. But we can certainly strive towards a goal of being kind, MORE.
Speaking Kindness
When I think of speaking with kindness, I think of complimenting a friend on her good taste or encouraging someone who is down in the dumps about a choice they made.
When I think of what speaking kindness is not, I think about yelling. Complimenting and encouraging come pretty easy to me, but the yelling, I have to really work at. Especially when it comes to my babies and aaaaall the messes they make every day.
Showing Kindness
SHOWING kindness looks a little different. We all know the basics of kindness. They generally come in the form of good manners, such as opening the door for another person, returning a shopping cart to the cart corral, (which I actually don’t do very often… because… kids ya”ll.), holding the elevator, leaving a good tip or the good ole “Please and Thank You!” and their buddy, “‘welcome!”
I bet we all like to think that we are pretty darn kind and that we are walking happily in that fruit of the Spirit. But if we take kindness a step further… we may see that kindness can be a bit more time consuming and even sacrificial!
For instance, when was the last time you bought someone’s food that was behind you in the drive-thru? (I shouldn’t even be in this drive-thru myself spending money, let alone paying for someone else’s) or mowed your neighbor’s grass? (Um… who’s looking for an allergy flare-up?).
How about babysat for free or mentored a younger person? (But I work full time… and kids are loud and obnoxious.)
Did you get all those thank you notes filled out or did you forget to buy the stamps? (Are thank you cards still a thing?)
What about picking up litter? I have to say, all sorts of things fly out of my minivan when my kids open the doors, and I do find myself chasing trash, but have I been to a park to volunteer with a large black trash bag in tow?
How about calling a loved one that you don’t speak to very often? I immediately think of my Grandma. She lives out of state and doesn’t get many visitors. I’m sure she is lonely but do I check on her enough?
All these KIND things take TIME, energy, money, and we are less likely to do them regularly.
“Therefore, by their fruits, you will know them.”
Matthew 7:20 NKJV
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such, there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23 NKJV
I don’t know about you, but I want to be more diligent about walking in the fruits of the Spirit and leading by example.
We talked about speaking and showing kindness to others, but there is one last thing I want to talk about, and that is SHOWING AND SPEAKING KINDNESS TO YOURSELF!
Be Kind to Yourself
I heard something very interesting the other day. It was nutritionist lecturing on the benefits of positive self-talk and how OUR BODIES hear everything we say. I had never thought about the fact my ears were listening to ME.
When I stare at my reflection, and I say,
- “Man, my eyelashes are short! I need to go get some fake ones!”
- Or “Ugh! These wrinkles across my forehead! I need to research Botox!”
- Or I’m chubby. I’m never going to have that thigh gap like so and so.
- It’s a good thing no one sees me with wet hair because it is CRAY!
I don’t like this about me… and I need to change that about me… Our lists are never-ending. If we aren’t dogging our looks, we are dissing our personalities or how we react in social situations. Y’all- Our bodies are listening!!
Well, so what? Who cares?
Your body does, and it responds to you through your emotions. All the sudden you’re depressed and eating a box of cookies because you can’t afford fake lashes or Botox and you’re binge-watching Seinfeld because you swear you don’t have time or energy to work out or cook something nutritious.
Or the flip side is you are taking steps to better yourself and your health but you miss a day, and you beat yourself up because you fell short of your goal.
Pretend that YOU are YOUR best friend
If your best friend said “UGH! I look so old with cellulite for days!” I’m sorry, but I would stare shocked at my best friend and tell her to stop talking about my best friend like that!
It’s rare that we look in the mirror and say GREAT things to ourselves about ourselves.
- “Man… my lips are awesome! They are the perfect amount of plumpness today.”
- Or “Look at me, miss sassy pants, my hair is on point! And I drew my brows on like a pro!”
Of course, we don’t, because then we would come off as conceited and vain. We don’t say KIND things to ourselves nearly enough, and it would really be rather humorous if we did!
I Dare You!
I double dog dare you to be kind to yourself in the mirror this week.
And I triple dog dare you to look for an opportunity to bless someone with a random act of kindness.
“We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.”
2 Corinthians 6:6 NLT
Written by Rachael Strickland
